**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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