I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
