Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
