Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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