a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
