She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
