he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
