Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
