You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
