I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
