plz talk dirty to me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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