five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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