hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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