one might say we're banned from that church
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
