I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize