So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
