We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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