We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize