see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
