My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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