Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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