We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
