How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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