paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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