Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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