Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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