If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
