I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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