Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
