Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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