So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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