sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
