..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
