i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
