Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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