So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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