i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
