that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
