she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
