Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Could a canary swim?

(952): View more from Minnesota

Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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(903): View more from Texas

I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

(903): View more from Texas

That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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(956): View more from Texas

Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(401): View more from Rhode Island

So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

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(240): View more from Maryland

my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.

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(847): View more from Illinois

He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.

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