I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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