just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
