I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
