She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
