Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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