I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
