I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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