I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
