I wish my penis had an off switch
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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