no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
