so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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