My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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