Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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