I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your cock deserves a montage
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
