worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
True college students do jello shots in the library
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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