Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize