literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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