Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
