Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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