I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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