I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
