Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
