Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
