I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
