thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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