she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize