i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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