I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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