Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
