Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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