my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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