Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
