I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
