Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
