Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
