hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
